


I'm the Bad Guy

by thatgirljazz



Category: Barry (TV 2018), Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Gen, but nothing super duper graphic, violence because they're assassins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 12:34:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20835542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatgirljazz/pseuds/thatgirljazz
Summary: Barry gets an extra hand with a hit and she's the most infuriating woman in the world.Or when Villanelle scares the shit out of Barry and she can't stand how basic he is.





	I'm the Bad Guy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sumisu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sumisu/gifts).

> This was written for Eena (billhadcer) on tumblr because we kept joking about how much Villanelle would despise Barry. Set between some AU land during season 1 of both shows. Enjoy! Leave feedback and kudos if you'd like. Thank you for reading.

The clock on the wall is ticking at an unnecessarily loud rate. He’s early and he doesn’t even really know who to look for. Fuches wanted to network which sounded laughable in this business. It’s murder, not Google. He knows he needed an extra person on this job and Fuches was not going to let him pick his partner. His blue eyes shift to the clock on the wall and the waitress comes up to him. He lets her top of his coffee while he stares at his untouched grilled cheese.

Out of nowhere, a spitball lands in his drink. He looks around, but doesn’t find the source. Another one bounces off his eyebrow and he can feel the annoyance burning in his veins. He catches the third one and finally sees her. She’s in a booth six rows back with a childish grin on her face. The straw rests between her full lips and she stands up. She has on a flowy blue dress that swishes when she moves. In a flash, she sticks her high heel out and trips an unsuspecting customer who slams into a waitress. The tray goes flying and she uses the distraction to slide into the empty seat in his booth. She turns her head and giggles, her fingers playing on her lips.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he sighs.

“You’re right. I should’ve announced that two assassins are meeting in this cafe,” her words drip with sarcasm and a Russian accent. She turns her head for a moment like she might actually make the announcement. She looks like a doll with her flaxen hair pulled back and wide hazel eyes. He didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t this. Her skin is flawless and dewy, a sure sign of youth. She must not even be 30.

“How did you know it was me?” he asks, genuinely curious.

“You fidget so much that you’re either a drug dealer or a hitman. You look too boring to be a drug dealer,” she doesn’t even blink. “So you are Barry Berkman.”

“Uh…yeah…” he’s caught off guard.

“Sounds like an alias of a shit superhero. What are your powers? Breaking glass with your voice?” she snickers.

Barry furrows his brow. He doesn’t know how to keep up with her or if he should even try.

“Is Villanelle really your name?”

“Yes.”

She’s lying.

“It’s not too…obvious? _Villan_elle?”

“You are dressed like Dexter Morgan.”

Villanelle reaches forward and slides his plate to her.

“Look, maybe we started this off wrong,” he takes a deep breath. They have to work together after all.

“No, we didn’t,” she pulls the grilled cheese apart, watching the cheese split into long ropes. She giggles, delighted. “So, the Chechens?”

“Yes,” Barry speaks in a whisper, “I’m currently…stuck working with them.”

Villanelle tilts her head back and dangles the cheese into her mouth. Was she five years old?

“I could get rid of them for you,” Villanelle continues.

“Right,” Barry shakes his head.

“You don’t believe me?” she munches on the sandwich, chewing like a cow. She’s trying to get a rise out of him and he knows it.

“I was a Marine and I can’t take them out by myself,” Barry states plainly.

“Ooh, big strong Marine,” Villanelle sticks her tongue out and speaks in a flawless American accent. Maybe she is five years old.

“Anyway—”

“You don’t get paid very well, do you?”

“What?”

“You dress like a hobo? Is hobo the word? Homeless person? Vagrant?” she squints, tilting her head.

“Anyway, we have to meet with Hank—”

“I have his details,” she shows him a postcard. He reaches for it and she pulls it back to her chest.

“Then why did you meet me here?”

She doesn’t answer and finishes the sandwich. She’s on her feet the second she’s done.

“I wanted to see how unimpressive you are,” she claps him on the shoulder.

“Hey,” Barry grabs her wrist. He’s had enough.

Villanelle arches an eyebrow. He can’t tell if she’s angry or amused.

“I’m not useless, okay?” his eyes lock onto hers.

Her sharp heel is on the top of his sneaker, not breaking the gaze.

“Prove it to me,” she pushes down, stabbing his foot, and he clenches his jaw. “Stay boring, Barry."

♣♣

Barry spies NoHo Hank coming out of a boutique with a lot of bags. A woman with dark hair is with him. He does a double take because he recognizes her. It’s Villanelle in a wig. She has on high waisted jeans and a top tied with a knot at the waist.Great, they’re shopping together. He was hoping he could convince Hank to use someone else. Unfortunately, Hank sees him and waves him over. Barry checks traffic before crossing the street.

“Hi, Barry,” Hank beams at him.

“Hi,” Barry nods.

“V came by the house and I was telling her I can never shop here because they say I look scary. Rude, right?V thought so too. We did the _Pretty Woman_. Big mistake, huge!” Hank laughs.

Villanelle nods, but doesn’t acknowledge Barry.

“Is that smart? Doing all this flashy spending?” Barry asks.

“Aw, Barry. So cautious. Villanelle made sure to wear this disguise and then she spoke with French accent. She speaks so many languages,” Hank is practically glowing.

“Awesome,” Barry looks at his watch.

“So, you both should come by the house tomorrow. I am making my special pink lemonade,” Hank grins.

The next day, Barry rings the doorbell and NoHo Hank answers with his usual chipper smile.

“Oh, hi, Barry,” Hank smiles and opens the door wider. “Villanelle just got here.”

“Oh, great,” Barry sighs.

“She is quite the character,” Hank laughs.

“Mmhmm,” Barry purses his lips.

When they walk into the living room, Barry sees Villanelle on the couch watching television with Goran’s daughter and her friends.

“Why does she like him? Her friend is much better looking,” Villanelle sighs, annoyed.

“He’s the bad boy,” one of the girls giggles.

“Her friend has amazing hair,” Villanelle points at the girl on the tv.

“V, we can talk on patio,” Hank looks at her. “Let me get the refreshments.”

“Good, this is boring,” Villanelle stands up. She’s wearing white slacks and a floral bomber jacket.She grabs a Kit Kat off the table and walks outside.

“Still going with that Dexter look?” she breaks the treat in half. She brings a bar to her mouth like a cigarette. It dangles between her teeth before she takes a bite.

“I don’t know what that means,” Barry looks at the pool behind her.

“You don’t watch television?” Villanelle gasps.

“You _do_?” Barry looks back at her.

“I’m not an animal,” Villanelle scoffs.

Hank brings out a tray of lemonade and cookies. The cookies are fanned out on the tray and there’s red and white striped straw poking out of each glass. As a final touch, there’s a strawberry as a garnish on the rim of the glass.

“Very hospitable,” Villanelle smiles and takes the drink.

“Well, you are guest,” Hank nods.“Barry?”

“I’m fine,” he shakes his head.

“That’s rude,” Villanelle glares at him.

“I’m not thirsty,” he sighs.

“Look at his presentation,” she gestures to the tray.

“I don’t want it,” he hisses.

“Not only did he make us this lemonade, _fresh_, he took the time to cut the strawberries. _Take it_,” Villanelle raises her eyebrows.

“Thanks,” Barry takes the glass. Villanelle keeps her eyes on him until he drinks.

“You are most welcome,” Hank is pleased and smiles.“I used organic sugar cane.”

“I can tell,” Villanelle nods and Hank puts a hand to his chest.

“We need you to take out these associates of ours,” Hank shows them a photo of eight menon his laptop.

“I can do this on my own. We don’t need him,” Villanelle grabs a cookie.

“Barry is great. We had slight hiccup in the beginning, but we put that in the past. Hakuna Matata,” Hank waves his hand.

“What hiccup?” her eyes move between the two men.

“We wanted Barry to kill this guy Ryan who was sleeping with Goran’s wife.There was misunderstanding. Two of our guys died, but I survived. Obviously,” Hank shrugs.

“He didn’t do his job, killed your men, and shot you? Why is he still alive?” Villanelle grips the table.

“He made it up to us. Did very urgent hit,” Hank explains.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” her voice is alarmingly calm. “He should be _dead_.”

“We all make mistakes, V,” Hank muses thoughtfully.

“Yeah, Hank brought a camera to a hit and now the cops have footage of me,” Barry snaps.

“And you haven’t been caught,” her eyes widen and bounce back and forth between them like a tennis ball. The muscles in her face start to twitch and her full lips form a snarl. Her hands are shaking.

“I had to leave Paris and come here because I have an entire MI6 Division devoted to finding me. What the _fuck_?” she throws her glass on the ground and it shatters everywhere. Hank and Barry freeze.

You’re just—failing upwards?!” she screams and throws the entire tray on the ground, stomping on it. “Fucking! Men!”

Against his better judgment, Barry comes behind her and touches her shoulder. Instantly, she grips his arm and rolls him off her hip. With a smack, his back lands on the patio. She puts her heel on his Adam’s apple. All the wind is knocked out of him and he can’t breathe.

“See how fucking terrible he is?” she yells. “Is this a joke? You like this fucking idiot? You want me to take him out too?”

“No, not Barry,” Hank puts his hands in front of him like he’s wrangling a tiger.

“Whyyyyyy notttttt?” she whines.

Hank says something in Russian to her. Barry forgot for a minute they speak the same language. She takes a deep breath and moves her foot to his chest. She raises her eyebrows. Hank shakes his head and she growls, stepping back.

“Look, I understand, V, we all get upset especially over the patriarchy. I just finished _Lean In_. Eye opening,” his voice is so even and calm. “We just need to work together towards common goal, right?”

Villanelle pouts and nods.

“Maybe after hit, we all spend some time together. Have you seen _Space Jam_?” Hank asks.

Barry coughs and rolls onto his side.

“What’s _Space Jam_?”

“It stars Bug Bunny and he gets help of NBA superstar, Michael Jordan to defeat evil aliens. “I can get babka and we watch it, right?”

Villanelle stays silent for what feels like an eternity.

“I like cinnamon babka,” she nods.

“Me too. So you take care of this and then we watch _Space Jam_,” Hank grins. He leans over and helps Barry to his feet. He stumbles and Villanelle grabs him by the shoulders.

“Come on, big baby,” she straightens him up.

♣♣

Villanelle lets out a long, exaggerated sigh as they wait in the car. 

“We could just go in there,” she gestures to the house.

“In the middle of the day?” Barry nearly laughs.

“Yeah, we’ll be fast and then we can watch _Space Jam_.”

“I’m not watching _Space Jam_.”

“So grumpy.”

Villanelle plays with the gear on the seat and lies back. She spies a book in the back seat and grabs it. It’s Gene’s book.

“Acting class? Is it because you’re such a bad liar?” she throws the book behind her.

“I’m not—”

“I’m Barry and I’m not a hitman. Look, I’m a regular guy, see how big my eyes are when I lie to you,” her eyes nearly pop out of her head.

“Sorry I’m still a human being,” Barry scoffs.

“I don’t know why. It’s much easier if you let all that go.”

“So you want to do this forever?”

“Yeah, sure. What else am I going to do? Be a regular person?”

“Well, yeah.”

Villanelle starts to laugh uncontrollably and takes the binoculars off the dash.

“Do you have nightmares?”

“What nightmares?”

“You know, the guilt you feel for killing people.”

“No. Shut up, I’m watching this.”

After a long silence, she sits back up and reaches for her bag. She puts a knife in a slit inside her boot.She undoes two buttons on her blouse and moves the hairpin on the back of her head. She cups her breasts and adjusts them.

“What are you doing?”

“Moving this along. I go in first and you cover me,” she opens the door and walks out.

“Cover you? Shit, shit, shit, fuck, Villanelle, wait,” Barry grabs his gun and runs after her. He hangs back when she reaches the door.

Villanelle knocks on the door and one of the targets answers. He seems tense and then relaxes at the sight of her.

“Hi, my car broke down and you’re like the only person that’s answering. I walked this whole street. My phone totally died and I was wondering if you could help me?” her voice is soft and vulnerable. She drops her keys and the guy looks down her blouse. He opens the door wider. She straightens back up and jams her knife into his throat. “Thank you so much.”

She slips in the house and Barry rushes in after her. There’s blood spray on the walls and three bodies on the floor. He hears something crash and sprints towards it. She’s on a man’s shoulders. Another guy comes to grab her and she stabs him in the eye with her hairpin. She slits the guy’s throat and hops off his shoulders as he falls to the ground.

“Behind you,” she yells,” Duck.”

Barry crouches down and she throws her knife. He watches as it flies through the air and lands in the guy’s heart. She’s so fast. She rips it out of his chest.

There’s two men left. One sees her and runs. The other is looking for a gun. Barry shoots that guy and Villanelle is gone. He stalks his way to the back of the house. She’s on the bed with the man, strangling him. Barry watches as she looks deep into the man's eyes as he claws at her hands. Like a sadistic kid with an ant and magnifying glass, she’s fascinated. Barry can’t hide his horror. They lock eyes and she snaps his neck.

“I’m very impressive. I know,” she pats him on the chest.

As they walk out, she looks down at the guy Barry killed. “Very precise. Good job.”

She’s completely genuine. “Is it hard for you to take a compliment?”

“About killing people? Yeah,” Barry stares at her.

“When you’re not being a baby about it, you’re quite good. These people are nothing to you,” Villanelle reminds him.

“They’re someone’s family,” Barry looks into her eyes, searching for something where there’s nothing. No sadness. No remorse.No guilt.

“Yeah, so?” she looks down at her blouse. It’s covered in blood. “Look, can I use your shower?”

“Uhh, I can take you to your hotel room.”

“I can’t go there like this. It’s a nice hotel. Yours isn’t that far from here and it’s a shithole.”

“How do you know?”

“Cause I followed you after the diner. Duh. You mean you don’t know where I’m staying?”

“No, I didn’t follow you.”

“You were doing so well,” Villanelle shakes her head, disappointed.

Barry really doesn’t want her in his hotel room. What if she flips out again and destroys everything? Not to mention the fact he’s terrified of her.

“Can we please go to your hotel room? Please? Please? Please? I’m so sticky,” Villanelle whines. She pouts and bats her eyelashes at him.

“Fine,” Barry sighs.

The second she’s in his hotel room, she pulls off the bloody shirt and strips down.

“Whoa!” Barry covers his eyes.

“They’re just tits. Americans are such prudes,” Villanelle shakes her head and walks into the bathroom.

Barry changes out of his clothes. He didn’t really get anything on him since she was an assassin tornado. He picks up her clothes off the floor and burns them in the trash can on the balcony. He comes back inside and Villanelle sits on the bed with a towel wrapped around her head. She has a red wrap dress on. She must’ve had it in her bag.

“Sally is cute. Is she your girlfriend?”

He notices she has his phone in his hand.

“Hey, give that back. How would you like it if I went through your phone?” he tries to take it from her and she hops off the bed.

“I wouldn’t care. It’s a burner anyway,” Villanelle shrugs.“Oh, she hasn’t answered your texts.” She winces and hands the phone back.

“She said we needed a reset or something.”

“Came on too strong?”

“I’m not talking about this with you.”

“How did you get her? You have a big dick or something?”

Barry shoves his phone in his pocket and his cheeks burn. Villanelle giggles.

“That’s why you’re so upset. You need sex.”

“I don’t—”

“We’re not having sex.”

“I don’t want to have sex with you.”

“Of course you do, but we’re not going to. I wouldn’t want to break you,” she playfully slaps him on the face. “Could we go by that In-and-Out Burger place? I’m starving.”

Barry watches as she devours the burger on the ride over. They stop in front of the house.

“Time to watch _Space Jam_,” Villanelle grins.


End file.
